Saturday, April 27, 2013

Sorry!

Hey guys. I just wanted to write and apologize that I still haven't uploaded any pictures or videos. I'm still just feeling too sick. The last couple days have been especially bad. Additionally, my anxiety is kind of kicking in because I haven't been good at blogging, and therefore I don't want to think about blogging, and therefore I continue not to blog. Make sense?

Anyway, sorry! And sorry I haven't been commenting on anyone's blogs. I love you all and miss you and hope to return soon.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Why I never want to hear about crackers again


I have rough pregnancies.

I've been wanting to write this post for a while, wanting to explain where I've been and how come I've practically disappeared for the last month and a half, but the very thing I want to write about is the thing that's been keeping me from having the motivation to sit at a computer and type it out.

In a nutshell, I've been sick. Constantly, never-endingly sick.

Do you remember when I wrote this post during my last pregnancy? I wrote about how I had severe morning sickness when I was pregnant with Ellie. I had been expecting it before I got pregnant, because my mom had had severe morning sickness (for all nine months) with all four of her pregnancies. So, I was expecting the same thing - severe morning sickness for all nine months. And I got it.

This pregnancy - as I talked to friend after friend about their pregnancies and none of them came close to my experiences - I realized that what I have (and what my mom had) might be beyond morning sickness. My stepmom had talked to me before about the Hyperemesis Gravidarum that she suffered during her pregnancies, and I began to wonder if that might be what I had.

Taken from Hyperemesis.org, "Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) is a severe form of nausea and vomiting in pregnancy. It is generally described as unrelenting, excessive pregnancy-related nausea and/or vomiting that prevents adequate intake of food and fluids. If severe and/or inadequately treated, it is typically associated with:
  • loss of greater than 5% of pre-pregnancy body weight (usually over 10%)
  • dehydration and production of ketones
  • nutritional deficiencies
  • metabolic imbalances
  • difficulty with daily activities."

They have a very helpful chart that explains the differences between regular morning sickness and Hyperemesis Gravidarum:

Image from www.helpher.org

Do you see the Hyperemesis column? I had every single one of those symptoms when I was pregnant with Ellie, and I have almost all of them now. Last time I got on medicine (the generic of Zofran) on week 12/13. This time I went to my doctor immediately and was on it by week 5. And, important point, I'm on triple the dosage I was taking last time. I take 8 mg of Zofran 3 times a day, so I'm getting 24 mg a day. I'd like to go through the Hyperemesis Gravidarum list point by point, comparing the two pregnancies:

  • "You lose 5-20 pounds or more." When I was pregnant with Ellie I was losing a pound a week before I got on Zofran. From weeks 6-10 I lost 4 pounds, and I didn't get on Zofran until about 2-3 weeks later, so in total I probably lost about 6 pounds. This pregnancy I have remained exactly my pre-pregnancy weight (thanks to the Zofran).
  • "Nausea and vomiting cause you to eat very little and get dehydrated from vomiting if not treated." Yes to both pregnancies. In my first pregnancy, I had severe nausea 24/7 for two months (until I was put on the medicine) and was throwing up 3-4 times a day. I ate very little and drank very little, and most of it was lost through my vomiting anyway. Thus, the weight loss. This pregnancy, the Zofran has really helped curb my vomiting. I'm still nauseous all day (and night) long, but this time it's more of a moderate nausea and I'm only throwing up about every other day. I'm still eating very little, but I'm keeping almost all of it down this time.
  • "You vomit often and may vomit bile or blood if not treated. Nausea is usually moderate to severe and constant." I just kind of explained this in the last bullet, but yes yes yes. Both pregnancies. Again, in my first pregnancy I had severe, unrelenting nausea all day and night and week and month and month long and threw up 3-4 times a day until I was put on medicine. This time, I'm on triple the dosage of Zofran and I started a lot earlier. I'm still moderately nauseous all day and night long, but I'm throwing up a lot less. I have vomited bile with both pregnancies. 
  • "You will probably require fluid hydration through a vein and/or medications to stop the vomiting." Yes to both pregnancies. Zofran is the only thing that has tamed my vomiting either time. I would not have stopped throwing up last time if I didn't have it, and I would be vomiting a lot more this time without it.
  • "You usually feel somewhat better by mid-pregnancy, but you may continue to be nauseous and/or vomit until late pregnancy." Yes to my first pregnancy. It's too early to tell with this one, but in my last pregnancy I had to remain on medication for the entire nine months. When I ran out of my medication at different points (before I could get a refill), I was back to vomiting again - and this was late in my second trimester.
  • "You will be unable to work for weeks or months, and may need help caring for yourself." Yes to both pregnancies. I am so lucky that I didn't have a job at the start of my last pregnancy, because I would not have been able to go to it. I would have had to call in sick day after day, until I finally quit because I was just unable to work. I was not able to do anything last time until I got on the medicine. I literally (and I am correctly using that word) laid on the couch all day long (every day) and concentrated on not throwing up. I tried reading and watching TV, but I couldn't even do that a lot of the time because the words and the moving images made me nauseous. This time, I'm on Zofran already and it's helping a bunch, but my ability to fulfill my usual responsibilities is still severely curtailed. Take dishwashing, for example. Normally not that difficult of a task. Right now? Nearly impossible. The thought of standing there at the sink - with the smell of the kitchen, and the smell of the sponge and the bottle brush, and the smell of the soap, and the smell of the dishes, and the energy to scrub the dishes and twist my body to put them in the dishwasher - it's hard for me to comprehend doing. The energy, and the movement, and the smells. I almost feel sick thinking about it. I also feel like a bad mom because Ellie wants me to get up and play with her when I'm watching her, and most of the time I just have to lie down on the couch or the floor because if I try to sit up I'll throw up. And so she'll cry because I'm not getting up, and I feel terrible. The "you may need help caring for yourself?" Yes. Both pregnancies. I'm almost embarrassed to admit how pitiful I become when this sickness takes over - but sometimes this time (and nearly all the time last time) I just can't do even simple things for myself. I can't get a bowl of cereal, I can't get up to get my barf bucket, I can' t go grab myself a water bottle. So Jason does it. I don't know what I would have done without Jason for both these pregnancies. He is so amazing, and my hero, and there just aren't enough good words in the English language to describe him. Seriously, he's so patient, and understanding, and - I just don't have the words. Amazing. He's amazing. I also don't know what I would do without the family and friends who have been so helpful in watching Ellie this pregnancy.

Anyway, I needed to write this post. I needed you to know what's going on. And why I haven't been blogging, or updating. I haven't had the energy, or the motivation. It might start to get better soon - I'm almost 12 weeks now, and last time 8 mg of Zofran a day was able to really help me about this time in my pregnancy. Since I'm on 24 mg a day, I'm hoping to see some big improvements in the next couple weeks.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Courage

Hey everyone! I just watched this today and I loved it. It's about courage and faith, and it was just very touching.



I hope you're having a great Sunday. :)

Friday, April 12, 2013

Announcing...

We are going to be a family of four.


Baby #2 will be arriving the first week of November. The official due date is November 2nd, which means I'm about ten and a half weeks along right now.

We are so excited! :D

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

REAL April Resolutions & How I did in March

Hi there! First of all, April Fools! :D Yesterday's post was NOT REAL. I just want to be very clear about that. We are not going to speak to Ellie in only Russian this month! That's next month. (Still joking.) The post I wrote yesterday gives me the heebie-jeebies. I want you to have no fear, my dear friends: we're not that pretentious.

Anyway, that means I still need to post my REAL April Resolutions! To recap, January was Spirituality, February was Health, March was Attitude, and this month is...Marriage!


I love being married. Can I just say that? I love Jason, and I love the whole institution of marriage, and I think it's just great. I'm excited to have a Marriage month to focus more on our marriage and make it even better than it already is.

Month 4: April
Theme: Marriage

Main goal: To strengthen me and Jason's marriage.

Individual Resolutions:

  • Firmly re-establish our weekly date night.
  • Do some of the exercises from "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," such as "Nurture your Fondness and Admiration" (specifically, the exercise "A Seven-Week Course in Fondness and Admiration" and "Enhance Your Love Maps" (specifically, the exercise "Make Your Own Love Maps"). (And in case you're wondering what the heck a "love map" is, it's the author's term "for the part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner's life.")

About the individual resolutions: Jason and I have always had a date night ever since we've been married, but for the last few months (ever since he started the graveyard shift) it's started to become a hit-and-miss kind of deal. Our old date night, Friday, no longer works because he works that night. So we kinda moved it to Monday (because that's the night he always has off every week), but Monday is also family home evening, so that conflicted, so we didn't officially move it to Monday, so it just became kind of random when we did it...and you can see the problem. So, I think what we'll have to do is move family home evening to another night, say, Tuesday (and I'm making that official, right now. Family home evening is now on Tuesday) and declare Monday as our official date night. And I declare it thus.

And about the other resolution: Have you ever read "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," by John Gottman? It's a great book. It's backed up by tons of research, and instead of just focusing on why marriages fail, it focuses on how to do marriage right. I read it for one of my classes at BYU (I minored in Family Life), and I still pick it up and read bits and pieces now and again. And every time, it's just like, "Yeah, this makes so much sense!" Anyway, I'm excited to do some of the exercises from the book. They should be good.

And how did I do on my resolutions in March? Well...I stopped filling out my charts about halfway through the month. Savior of the World (the Easter production I was in) started taking up so much time (almost every single night for the last three weeks, I only got to see Jason for 1-2 hours between the time he woke up and the time I had to go to practice. It was really, really hard. It was watch Ellie all day long, see Jason for a little bit, go to the show for four hours, come home and sleep. For weeks!). When I got home at night (usually at 10:30 or later), I would be so exhausted and just drop into bed. And then I would look over at my charts, and just kind of groan, and think, "I don't need to fill them out tonight...I'm so tired...It doesn't really matter...Zzzzzzz." Well, my accountability suffered as a result of not reviewing my resolutions every night, and my productivity followed. In summary...I kind of followed my resolutions in March, but mostly out of chance and habit and not as a result of conscientious effort. I plan to do better in April. I am so excited to have more time again.

Monday, April 1, 2013

April's Resolutions


Month 4 of the Happiness Project! This month is all about Ellie. Jason and I have realized that we're not really being proactive about Ellie's education, and we want to change that this month. Starting now, we're going to work harder on increasing Ellie's opportunities and start her on a trajectory that will lead to great things in the future.

Month 4: April
Theme: Ellie 

Main goal: To increase Ellie's education and skills across multiple fields.

Individual Resolutions:

  • Only speak to Ellie in Russian this month (Jason's going to help me on this one)
  • Teach her at least half of the Cyrillic Alphabet
  • Start her in gymnastics (at first in the baby gymnastics class that's close to us, but we're going to begin looking for a trainer for more individualized attention)
  • Have her potty-trained by the end of April
  • Let Ellie choose her own activities in an "Independence Hour" every day, where she can decide between different art and music activities 
  • And finally, instead of just saying "birdy" when we look for birds outside, I'm going to begin teaching Ellie the latin names of the birds we see. If needed, I'll make flashcards to help her.

Several of these resolutions will be challenging this month (especially the Russian one), but we're going to try really hard. We've got to step it up and really start engaging Ellie with more aspects of the world than we already are. April, bring it on!

Oh, and one more thing - April Fools'. :)