Have you ever heard of or read the 100 Hour Board? It's a group at BYU that you can ask any question to, any question at all, and they'll give you an answer 100 hours later. I love it, and I've been reading it on a daily basis for almost four years. Over the course of that time, I've learned so many random things from them, and have asked questions myself on occasion that I loved reading their answers to.
Anyway, when I was reading them today there were several questions that had to do with the new semester starting at BYU this week (today, in fact). Like, suggestions for how to have good relationships with new roommates, and what the board writers were most looking forward to with this new semester. And it just instantly took me back to BYU and made me miss the campus and the school and everything about it so bad.
I loved being at BYU. I know I've mentioned it before, but I really, really did. And I miss it. I miss campus in the morning. I miss walking up past the indoor practice field, past the wonderful-smelling purple flower bushes, with the sun breaking over the mountains. I loved the path on the western hill that I walked home on through all of the afternoons, nearly every day, my sophomore year, where even though I was on campus I was alone and in nature. I loved that busy intersection of pedestrians between the SWKT and the JFSB, where I had heard stories of a student in a long-ago day directing traffic with a whistle and hand signals. I loved the people and classes and wards and my roommates. I could go on and on and on, but I think you understand.
I miss things. When they are done and over and I have to move on, I miss them. I still miss the way things were with my friends at the end of high school. When I got to BYU, I missed my high school friends so badly, and the fun nights we would have and the guitar sing-a-longs and the bonfires and everything we did together. I was loving BYU, but I was also missing what had been and what no longer was.
And that's how it is now. I love where I am - I love having Ellie and for the things Jason and I are being able to do - but I miss the way things were. I miss BYU, so badly. I loved it there. And when I think of it, and my memories and the pictures in my head come alive so vividly, I ache for it.
I read a book not too long ago, about the emotional aspects of moving. I know that seems a silly thing to write a book on, but the author was a woman who wanted to help other women have an easier time when having to move to a new places and start new phases of their lives. And she said something that I've thought of a couple times since I read it. She said, basically, that if there are things that were, but no longer are, and we loved the things that were, that we should not miss those things but cherish them. And that's what I try to remember now when I think of the things in my life that were, but no longer are, that I loved (and still love) deeply. I can no longer be at BYU. My time there has finished, and my life is moving on. But I can cherish those memories in my heart. And I do.