Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Grasshoppers


So, I've been debating whether to tell you this or not. On the one hand, I'm totally fine with you knowing. On the other hand, I'm worried (ha! you'll see how ironic that is in a sec) that it'll make you worried about me. Which it shouldn't.

You see, yesterday I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. What that means is that I worry about stuff too much; I worry about everything, all the time. (In a nutshell.) I always feel that something bad is going to happen.

It reminds me of the ant and the grasshopper from Aesop's fable, where the ant is working all the time, preparing for winter, and the grasshopper is singing and playing his fiddle. All that poor ant can think about is possible storms in the future; he can't stop and fully enjoy the present. I'm always worried about a winter that's never coming when everyone else realizes that it's spring, and playing fiddles is okay. Does that kind of make sense, vaguely?

I want to be the grasshopper. And I will be, soon. I will overcome this.

And don't worry about me. I don't want anyone worrying.

Everything will be all right. :)

2 comments:

  1. I like this quote by Mary Crowley about worry: "Every evening I turn my worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway." I wish I could do it myself. :) If I could get paid for worrying I'd be a bazillionaire.

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  2. It is hard to "always" live in the present. Especially since there is that little thing called "time" that constantly changes on you! Dang that time!
    But I like your grasshopper story because I think alot of us need to more often stop and "let it go" and enjoy the moment.
    I remember in a yoga class I took our instructor said do NOT close your eyes when you are "doing yoga" and stay "here in the present." She said when it was over and we were in our relaxation stage then we could daze out and relax.
    Ah...it is a skill Jocelyn. And noone has it perfected. But I am sure you will come pretty close! =) Luv Ya!

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